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Learn Your English Monarchs

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Years ago a foetal-blogger wrote an introductory paragraph to an English history survey course. Memorize the paragraph, and you have memorized the sequence of English Kings and Queens since 1066.

Wiliam would have said he ruled justly his ever expanding English realm. He had helped establish English rights. He, having eliminated much egregious judicial corruption, created justice where merely a generation gone greed governed. With venality eradicated, good English government emerged.

William – William the Conqueror
would – William Rufus
have Henry I
said – Stephen
he – Henry II
ruled – Richard I
justly – John I
his – Henry III
ever – Edward I
expanding – Edward II
English – Edward III
realm. – Richard II
He – Henry IV
had – Henry V
helped – Henry VI
establish – Edward IV
English – Edward V
rights. – Richard III
He, – Henry VII
having – Henry VIII
eliminated – Edward VI
much – Mary I
egregious – Elizabeth
judicial – James I
corruption, – Charles I
created – Charles II
justice – James II
where – William III
merely – Mary II
a – Anne
generation – George I
gone – George II
greed – George III
governed. – George IV
With – William IV
venality – Victoria
eradicated, – Edward VII
good – George V
English – Edward VIII
government – George VI
emerged – Elizabeth II

Written by bsjy

March 24th, 2010 at 8:29 am

Posted in Humor

Tagged with

Road to Hell in Stimulus Bill as “Shovel-Ready” Project

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The Obama Administration announced today it plans to move ahead with funding for all shovel-ready projects listed in the recent stimulus bill known as the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, including one project identified in a footnote on page 666. Inserted in the stimulus bill by the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi (?-CA), the project features eco-friendly pavers developed by the Gooden Tension Company.

Plans for the road include rest areas featuring government projects and programs which should be remembered by future generations. These rest areas will look back into American history and trace the progress forward to the date of the first part of the actual Road to Hell. The first few rest areas are already planned, and some of the more distant rest areas will be themed in the future. “We think the 16th Amendment will be celebrated at the first rest area,” said Lou Siefert, Special Assistant to the Undersecretary for Road Projects. “Obviously, the second rest area should be focused on the Federal Reserve Act, since those two initiatives really got this Road project started nearly 100 years ago.” Other stops will feature well-known acronyms like TARP and TALF, but to be consistent with the government programs which they celebrate there will be no explanatory text at the rest areas.

The technology of the pavers will demonstrate the brilliance of government-funded research and development, as the pavers will need to be more heat-tolerant as the road progresses. “We may take the tiles from the space shuttles for the last mile of the Road to Hell,” said Siefert, “because those tiles are designed to withstand the heat generated by entering a new atmosphere. We have not completed the models yet, but we expect the Road to Hell will leave the Earth’s atmosphere at some point near its terminus.”

Written by bsjy

March 31st, 2009 at 8:44 am

Posted in Humor,Political

Dewey, Cheatham and Howe announces new partners

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Washington, D.C. – The tax advisory and law firm of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe is pleased to announce three new partners have joined the firm.

Timothy Geithner, a specialist in “gross-up” tax harvesting will join as senior partner in the tax group. Managing partner Hughey Dewey said, “We are delighted to get Tim on board, as there is no one else on this planet who could do this job as well. ”

Thomas Daschle, who spent years in the U.S. Senate overseeing the ethics of his super-lobbyist wife, will join the Healthcare group as a non-lawyer partner. About Daschle, Dewey said, “It is not every day you can get an expert on non-standard compensation, and we got one who isn’t even a lawyer. He understands the difference between ‘pay to play’ and ‘friends with perks’ as almost nobody else in the country. We are delighted to welcome Tom to our firm as a senior partner.”

Charles Rangel, a lifetime representative for Harlem in the U.S. House of Representatives, will join the firm as liason to Congress. Rangel will retain his seat in Congress while representing the law firm’s clients. Explained Rangel, “I got sick and tired of the revolving door we have in this town, so I just propped it open. Anybody who has a problem believing I cannot represent the people of the United States of America while lobbying Congress on behalf of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe is a racist, right-wing whacko, and I will subpoena him before my Committee to testify under oath.”

With these three senior partners on board, the firm of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe is uniquely positioned to maximize the political effectiveness of a select list of clients. Having successfully addressed issues of conflict of interest and tax evasion, these new partners are ready to help others facing similar issues.

Written by bsjy

February 2nd, 2009 at 8:42 am

Posted in Humor,Political,Snark

Tagged with

New golf rules went into effect Wednesday, November 5, 2008

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Effective November 5, 2008:

  1. There are no white tees or blue tees. We have transcended those color distinctions. All tees are red.
  2. 95% of golfers hitting 85 or more are going to see a handicap cut.
  3. A high handicapper can play whatever ball he wants.
  4. If you are a low handicapper, and a high handicapper plays your ball, well, you can drop another ball if you want, but you’re gonna have to take a two-stroke penalty.
  5. In alternate-shot match play, if your partner hits out of bounds, you may hit again without penalty if you declare, “Hey, he’s just a guy who played with me for 20 years. I had no idea he hit shots like that.”

Written by bsjy

November 7th, 2008 at 8:48 am

Posted in Humor,Political,Snark

Barack Obama as Sir Joseph in HMS Pinafore

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Too much fun to let go.

Sir Barry:
When I was a lad I served a term
with Bill Ayers' wife at a big law firm.
I cleaned no windows and I swept no floor
'cause I want the office in the top-most floor.
Chorus:
'Cause he wants the office in the top-most floor.
Sir Barry:
I did so little and so carefully,
that now I am the ruler of the Left's Party.
Chorus:
He did so little and so carefully,
that now he is the ruler of the Left's Party.
Sir Barry:
As law firm lad I showed such grit
that they gave me a post in the State Senate.
I voted often and I voted clear,
and the only vote recorded was my vote of "here."
Chorus:
And the only voted recorded was his vote of "Here."
Sir Barry:
I voted "here" and so heartlessly,
that now I am the ruler of the One's Party.
Chorus:
He voted "here" and so heartlessly,
that now he is the ruler and it's his party.
Sir Barry:
I soon grew tired of all that work,
so I ran for Senator against some jerk.
I saw no need to remain there long,
and my current campaign is four years' long.
Chorus:
The campaign's going on now four years strong.
Sir Barry:
But that campaign so suited me
that now I am the leader of the Left's party.
Chorus:
And that campaign proved he's no Commie,
or only the kind with a lower-case 'c'.
Sir Barry:
Now lefties all, whoever you may be,
if you once set up the Annenburg C.
If you want to help spread the wealth fairly,
then listen real close and listen to me.
Chorus:
Then listen real close and listen to He.
Sir Barry:
Stuff the ballot box on November 4th,
and we'll tax that plumber for all he's worth!
Chorus:
Stuff the ballot box on November 4th,
and we'll tax that plumber for all he's worth!

Written by admin

October 20th, 2008 at 5:24 pm

Posted in Humor,Political

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