Articles/Commentary by BSJY

Archive for March, 2009

Road to Hell in Stimulus Bill as “Shovel-Ready” Project

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The Obama Administration announced today it plans to move ahead with funding for all shovel-ready projects listed in the recent stimulus bill known as the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, including one project identified in a footnote on page 666. Inserted in the stimulus bill by the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi (?-CA), the project features eco-friendly pavers developed by the Gooden Tension Company.

Plans for the road include rest areas featuring government projects and programs which should be remembered by future generations. These rest areas will look back into American history and trace the progress forward to the date of the first part of the actual Road to Hell. The first few rest areas are already planned, and some of the more distant rest areas will be themed in the future. “We think the 16th Amendment will be celebrated at the first rest area,” said Lou Siefert, Special Assistant to the Undersecretary for Road Projects. “Obviously, the second rest area should be focused on the Federal Reserve Act, since those two initiatives really got this Road project started nearly 100 years ago.” Other stops will feature well-known acronyms like TARP and TALF, but to be consistent with the government programs which they celebrate there will be no explanatory text at the rest areas.

The technology of the pavers will demonstrate the brilliance of government-funded research and development, as the pavers will need to be more heat-tolerant as the road progresses. “We may take the tiles from the space shuttles for the last mile of the Road to Hell,” said Siefert, “because those tiles are designed to withstand the heat generated by entering a new atmosphere. We have not completed the models yet, but we expect the Road to Hell will leave the Earth’s atmosphere at some point near its terminus.”

Written by bsjy

March 31st, 2009 at 8:44 am

Posted in Humor,Political

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